franchise don’t exist. Because people need canonical connective tissue in their favorite holiday movies in order to sleep at night, we’re re-introduced to Buzz McCallister , once a shitty pig asshole bully of an older brother and now a shitty pig asshole cop in the same wealthy Chicago suburb where 30 years earlier his parents left his eight-year-old brother home alone. Twice.
Let’s get a little personal for a moment, because this movie sucks shit anyway. My affection for 1990’sis the kind that feels like currency today, the sort of unique love that can work as shorthand for taste.
The predominant quality of this reboot, as expected, is its veneer of wokeness—one can’t tell if it legitimately cares about progressive ideas, but it does “refresh” the story of two scum-bums who fail in grand fashion to rob a rich family lucky enough to spend Christmas in Paris and unconcerned about their two-car garage being wide open for a week because the family’s precocious youngest child threw a hissy fit after not getting any cheese pizza.
is that capitalism, especially now during a time when class distinctions are thin lines separating life and death, will grind down even the most mild-mannered citizens into raving monsters—that Christmas is an abysmal holiday so championed by our morally vacant culture that in 2021 thething it represents is unfettered consumerism—a reality the film bruises itself to avoid confronting.
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