Hillary Launches Campaign To Raise $100 Million Or Else She’ll Run For President

📆 9/27/2019 3:42 PM
📰 TheOnion

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CHAPPAQUA, NY—In a press conference announcing her plans for the 2020 election, Hillary Clinton told reporters she is launching a campaign Tuesday that will raise $100 million by the end of the year or else she will run for president. “I’m very excited to roll out my initiative to secure this full amount within seven weeks, and if it is not successful—let me be very clear on this—I will once more fill out the paperwork to run for president and submit it to the Federal Election Commission,” said Clinton, who stressed that she was “absolutely serious” about her new A Hundred Million Or Me campaign, describing the town halls and candidate meet-and-greets she would soon begin holding in Iowa and New Hampshire if donors came up even a penny short. “What I’m asking you to do is picture—and picture very vividly—the following things: Lawns plastered with ‘I’m With Her In 2020’ signs, continuous television ads showcasing my strenuous attempts to appear enthusiastic, entire news cycles once more given over to my use of a private email server as secretary of state. That’s one possibility. The other is you give me $100 million. Up to you.” At press time, sources confirmed Clinton had raised $17.6 billion in the first 45 seconds of the campaign.

Source: Entertainment Trends (entertainmenttrends.net)

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R6Rider Don’t give her ideas, this could be a very profitable grift for her!!!

She'd be better than the current president. I'm sure she could raise the money and run.

shoe0nhead Give her the money

The Onion has lost it

Please let her run.

shoe0nhead Lol

As you're driving today, turn your headlights on if you still believe it's HER TURN! I predict by nightfall, EVERYBODY will be with Hillary. HowCanWeLose

This is a genius move on her part

TonyPulicella 😂

No please!!! Anything but that Hillary!!!

bofadeez22

shoe0nhead edwhaaat

shoe0nhead

shoe0nhead Kind of like paying someone to leave you alone except worse, BOTH alternatives suck.

shoe0nhead I'll even sell my house just don't run again

shoe0nhead

shoe0nhead I should try this out sometime

shoe0nhead Oh dear god. Someone start a GoFundMe!

kinda scary that I thought this was real for about .37 seconds

shoe0nhead That's ok. Don't give her any money, let her run, watch her lose again.

TAKE IT JUST TAKE IT ALL

shoe0nhead

jvgraz She’s pooping in that picture.

Satire site more accurate than the paper of record.

I'm sorry but if Hillary Clinton doesn't run as a write-in candidate then the Democrats will lose 2020. Truly. Sorry. Please donate a few bucks for me, guys & gals.

Hahahaha

This would actually be a good idea for her. She could raise millions for her slush fund, the Clinton Foundation

Caption: 'You must grab those money bags like the Joker in that movie when they rob that bank... and just like in that movie where all his accomplices bite the dust, so do mine!'

Holding a nation hostage.

Tfw the onion starts posting shit that's believable again

Lmao guess she’s not getting either

the onion reporting the news again

I will donate every penny I have.

magnoliamartha ahahhhaaaha!

I remember when was just satire..

lol..sounds right...

That’s the kind of campaign I could get behind, although it would be fun to watch another train wreck!!!

allahpundit

allahpundit Oh crap!!! Somebody send me a link to do donate!!!! 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

😂

jtLOL Ouch. Can’t stop laughing. Kidneys hurt.

A donation is on its way

She could even ask Ukraine for help. Since she's NOT running, it's not a crime!

She needs to go hid under a rock. She goes down in history as the person who gave us trump

Where do I contribute?

She will go for president either way, smh.

I think I've seen this Japanese B-movie before. 🤔

Where’s the donation link? 😂

CROWDSTRIKE

I've seen pictures of a stance like that on the history channel I think it was on Hitler.

Someone tell her that her career is dead and she lost to a reality tv star, after losing to one of the youngest and least experienced politicians whose ever been president! Didn't work? THROW MONEY AT HER!

Worth every penny to make her go away.

A Top 10 headline

I'll donate 50 cents.

Bros at the Onion at it again I see🙄

Funny

😂😂😂

Oh you just made a lot of fat girls mad.

Please never change, The Onion.

The fact she needs to basicaly bribe folks in order not to run just shows how corrupt she was. Just funny folks still dont see that. Learn

More like a campaign to raise another glass of chardonnay.

Where do I sign up?

“I DeSeRVE iT!! ItS mY TuRN!”

Literally everyone:

ok i loled at this

Ha!

🤣🤣🤣

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