Heroic Conservative Risks Own Life To Hide Mr. Potato Heads In Attic

CINCINNATI—Shushing the toys as he carefully studied every vehicle and pedestrian passing by his house, heroic local conservative Darryl Sawchuck reportedly put his life on the line Thursday to hide several dozen Mr. Potato Heads in his attic. “Don’t worry—you’ll be safe with me!” said Sawchuck, who sources confirmed was bravely risking imprisonment, torture, and even death by harboring armfuls of the gendered plastic tubers in a crawl space where the P.C.

I’ll be able to build a secret room with a false wall before those jack-booted cancel-culture Nazis come to search the place.” At press time, reports estimated it would be 12 months before Sawchuck sold out his principles upon realizing how much Mr. Potato Heads were going for on eBay.

kibblesmith razor thin.

Tip jar:

Remember when conservatives canceled French fries?

I will not buy into the ungendered potato agenda!

Lame

Love it lol

pilot4hire89

The Onion on fiyah today lol 🔥

When this brave story gets turned into a movie at Shapiro/D'Souza productions the soundtrack will be performed by Mrs. Potato Dick

TheBabylonBee is great!

The hero we both need and want right now

These were stacked next to the Dr. Seuss books which made for an uncomfortable situation with the liberal missus

First they came for the potatoes...

Remember when they called Liberals whiney and how we needed to cry over something? Good times.

The Potato Diaries

OK...that’s pretty funny... 😂

An Irish heritage, for sure!☘️💪👍

I hope he glued the pieces on permanently to maintain the strict gender binary. I better not see any they/them potatoes! It’s MR. and MRS.! 😡

benshapiro

A veritable Nazi Anne Frank

Yes it’s only “conservatives” who think it’s stupid to rename a POTATO figure

Now receate with QAnon Shaman and muffins.

First, they came for Mr. Potato Head ...

😆💪🏆

this is clearly parody because there isn't a stack of Dr. Seuss books up there, too

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