Help! There’s a Mystery About My Son I’m Not Sure We Want to Solve.

Should the truth be told as soon as possible because secrets are always bad, or is it okay to keep a secret to protect your son from additional trauma during this already challenging time?

Reasonable people can disagree on these things. But I found the first set of questions easier to answer because, as a few people pointed out, whether he has a “right” to know is not really relevant—he will eventually know. After all, we live in the age of easy-to-access DNA and ancestry testing. So the information about your son’s biological parent—if it doesn’t come from you—is almost definitely going to come out somehow in the future.

This happened in my family. My older half-brother only found out his Dad wasn’t his bio-dad until AFTER his Dad passed away. Bro was devastated by the reveal . Talk to Jenny, take DNA tests, go from there. —First, LW should get a DNA test . Discuss whether or how to reveal it with wife, as she’s the son’s mother and also has a right to decide. Please consider that he’s only 15 and weighed down by his mother’s illness—disclosure could wait for a later time.

This is just my experience, and it’s only from one side of the issue, but my mom had breast cancer when I was around the same age as Ronnie and I think if in the midst of that my dad had decided to bring up that I *possibly* wasn’t his I would have lost my mind —This is just my personal experience, but this isn’t the right time. Losing a loving parent can be a crushing experience, doesn’t make sense to add a significant reveal to that, especially with the uncertainty.

I hope that’s helpful. But most of all, I hope your wife’s health improves and that the DNA test makes all of this a non-issue.Both of my children were made possible by the modern miracle of fertility science. My parents and my wife’s parents are aware of the help we received and were thrilled when the treatment worked.

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