Greeting Each Other Like Normal Human Beings Impossible For Local Friends

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PHOENIX—Persons close to Jake Parmentier and Mike Seifkes told reporters Saturday that despite being full-grown adults with jobs and families, the two longtime friends were still incapable of greeting each other like normal human beings.

According to sources, the two men, both 36, seem to completely lack the capacity to greet each other with conventional salutations such as "Hey," "What's up?" or "How's it going?" and instead rely exclusively on a wide array of eccentric utterances and gestures.

While some friends said they have grown accustomed to watching Parmentier and Seifkes slowly circle each other like ninjas upon entering the same room, others admitted they still found the behavior off-putting. "I'm honestly getting a little tired of having them around," said friend Carl Ruben, who told reporters of a recent gathering in which the two friends appeared on the verge of shaking hands like regular people only to reenact the stare-down between Rocky Balboa and Ivan Drago from. "I almost wish they'd do their little routines by themselves ahead of time and get it out of their systems. Then maybe we could be actual grown-ups when we're all together.

Despite Parmentier and Seifkes' persistence in greeting each other in an unusual manner, sources said that the two appear to derive no pleasure from the exchanges and that their pop culture references, nicknames, and inside jokes often seem spoken out of obligation.

"At this point, they've established such a high degree of familiarity that, for them, a simple hello would be more awkward than ironically speaking a random line from," Stanford University psychologist Carole Herzig said. "It can take years of behavior-modification therapy to make the transition from a full-on Milli Vanilli–style chest-bump to an ordinary handshake.

 

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McYoloBro us at all times

Sugar Pine 7

CMRabbitt96 didn’t know you were a model for the onion bud

Sterling_Mufasa

banthia09

berfukel

Damn hippies. Taking the grass rots their brains.

They're still so young. I think they'll get it. Late bloomers is all.

Themaeds

RELATED: Studies reveal men can't conduct an extended hug without at least two pats on the back.

Friendship at once commends and depreciates one. Friendship is properly valued if it encourages others to marry or at least discuss an ambition to do so, and inversely if it discourages them.

mattsdaman

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