Granddaughter’s fantasy novel name causes tension. Hax readers give advice.

We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Some of the best responses are below.My son and daughter-in-law have given their daughter the name of a character from a young adult fantasy novel that is meaningful to them. The name is long, hyphenated, hard to spell and nearly impossible to pronounce. Still, we realize it is their choice. We've recorded our son saying the name and have mastered it, but the name remains a point of contention and tension.

Our DIL is constantly upset that someone avoided her daughter’s name, pronounced it wrong or gave her daughter a nickname . I’ve never spent so much time talking about any name in my life. My husband wants to raise it privately with our son to ask him how he feels about the name now. Would he consider a nickname? But I think this is overstepping.The key to navigating this will be to support and compartmentalize.

You don’t own this issue, and it’s not your responsibility to solve it. Don’t let it take up so much real estate in your head. Maybe the parents will reassess given time. Maybe not. There is a high likelihood that once the child is in school, she will choose her own nickname or be given one by friends. At that point, it’s fair and appropriate to switch to calling the child by the name thatprefers to be called.

If you’ve already gently sympathized , it’s time to turn to well-timed responses that say what you’ve written here. “I feel like our talks together have been dominated by the reactions to name, and that makes me sad. I miss our conversations about ,” then see where the conversation goes. Try to stay focused on what is your business: the complaint invasion. This is no longer about your granddaughter’s name but about the hijacking of conversations.

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