, Sidibe explains a little more about how disordered eating became a coping mechanism for her in moments when her sadness was unbearable.
"It was like a self-defense mechanism, that's what bulimia was for me. It wasn't about losing weight, it wasn't about controlling my appetite, it truly was about how it stopped me from crying," Sidibe said infor the new episode. "It was about me surviving the day. It was about controlling this emotion that was uncontrollable. I hated this emotion so much, I hated it.
On top of everything else, Sidibe said that people told her she was "looking good" at the time, which only made her want to continue. Although Sidibe felt like bulimia had given her a way to control her emotions, she said that she was actually getting worse. "Being depressed is one thing. If you add an eating disorder to that, that's a whole other monster that you have to fight," she said.
Sidibe's experience was clearly a painful one. It's also a reminder that eating disorders are far too often wrongly portrayed as something that only affects thin white women. In reality, anyone can develop disordered eating behaviors,. And when fat people have an eating disorder, it may go unnoticed or they might even receive compliments, like Sidibe did.
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