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Friends Camping Out In Woods Just Happy To Escape The Daily Grind Of Federal Prison

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CLEARVILLE, PA—Acknowledging that getting the chance to relax in nature was its own reward, a group of longtime friends camping out in the woods confirmed Wednesday that they were just happy to escape the daily grind of federal prison. “It sounds like the simplest thing in the world, but it’s unbelievably nice to sit by the lake and think your own thoughts for an afternoon without the rigid structure of penitentiary life,” said convict Jesse Howell, who like his friends claimed that sitting against a tree feeling the breeze in his hair was a nice change from the rat race of roll call, meals, and 15 minutes in the yard. “My pals and I have been planning a trip like this for five to seven years, so it’s nice to finally kick back and bask in the beauty of the natural world. Just look at all these stars—you can’t even see them back at The House, what with the light pollution and the 12 inches of reinforced concrete.” Howell added that despite their efforts to stay “off the grid,” their respite would probably only last a few more days before they were called back to address mundane concerns, such as the three guards they murdered while setting out. \n

CLEARVILLE, PA—Acknowledging that getting the chance to relax in nature was its own reward, a group of longtime friends camping out in the woods confirmed Wednesday that they were just happy to escape the daily grind of federal prison.

“It sounds like the simplest thing in the world, but it’s unbelievably nice to sit by the lake and think your own thoughts for an afternoon without the rigid structure of penitentiary life,” said convict Jesse Howell, who like his friends claimed that sitting against a tree feeling the breeze in his hair was a nice change from the rat race of roll call, meals, and 15 minutes in the yard.

 

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keriqbaum

is r/atetheonion still relevant? asking for a friend. lol

This is why we need to BUILD A WALL!! I’m sick of these people running free when they should be LOCKED UP!

Those 'mundane concerns' of theirs cracked me up

Nice to see an onion article not having to do with covid or politics

Glad they are enjoying

Look at Norway. Recidivism rate is so low. They treat the prisoners well. Rehabilitation is key.

Seems like we need more nature in prison.

'this is my story'

The fire is soothing as it takes them back to their arson days.

RELATED: Family Vacationing in Nearby Cabin Very Generous to Hand Over Civilian Clothing at Gunpoint.

ummn, excuse me do you really expect us to believe the men's uniforms that says, 'Jail' are actually federal PRISON inmates? wow some news source you guys are, JUST SAD!

Libs

'Who Wants Smores?'

Relatable

Awwh

So happy for them.

🤣🤣🤣

Funny

'Society is a prison, man.', the man said after taking 2 hits.

Trump's first rally was held in Tulsa, Oklahoma where one of the worst incidents of racial violence in US history happened in 1921 (FYI: No difference btween Dems and Republicans Establishment). Nice choice President! TulsaMassacre protests2020

Bruh

Wilson... is on fire!

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