The night before, I had cried holding my big brother’s hand while watching CNN. That morning, my EP said to me, “No one cares,” before catching herself and correcting the statement to, “Our audience doesn’t care.” Remembering how those words felt like a punch in the chest still makes me want to cry.
I could tell so many more of these stories. Like the time one February when I didn’t pitch any Black History Month segments just to see what would happen. If the sole Black person on your team doesn’t advocate for the acknowledgment of Black history, does it go uncelebrated? The answer was yes. We made it to Valentine’s Day without a mention.
After so many of these interactions, I was exhausted. I knew these constant arguments made me seem difficult and less likable. Most of the time, my relationship with my bosses was solid. I always thought they respected me and my talent. But I watched my whiter, less-qualified peers get promoted over me repeatedly .
so long as I didn’t demand much, and so long as I continued to demonstrate how thankful I was to be there.” I had a lot of apprehension before writing this piece. Aside from the fear of being blacklisted and never working in Canadian media again, I was worried I would look ungrateful. I was worried my stories were too small, or not racist enough. After all, workplace racism is insidious and slow, and we’re conditioned to take it silently and fear authority.
. “We have to wear emotional armour every day. We have to deal with microaggressions that chip away at us… The sooner you understand this, the sooner you can dismantle systemic racism.” The systemic part is why even when I personally have not been a victim of toxic workplace anti-Black racism, it still invades my life. I have only had positive experiences at the Canadian edition of Refinery29. We have a small editorial team. Half of us are Black women .
KathleenNB Illuminating
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