Fertility Struggles: A Letter to My Pregnant Friends

We have included third party products to help you navigate and enjoy life’s biggest moments. Purchases made through links on this page may earn us a commission.First, I want to say that I’m so happy for you. You are going to be wonderful moms.

But here’s the thing: I can’t be there for you. At least, not in the way I’d like to be. You deserve a friend you can talk to about your back pain, your cravings, your mood swings, your pregnancy brain—a friend who will laugh with you about the silly names your partner keeps suggesting. You deserve to be able to confide your fears about entering motherhood—and have a friend who listens.You know that I’m trying to conceive. You know that I’ve been trying for a long time.

I haven’t told you how I mark the anniversary of my miscarriage each and every month—or that I know, down to the week, how far along I’d be if I hadn’t lost that pregnancy. How I grieve for the child that never was. How part of me is terrified it was my one and only chance and that it’ll happen again.

I haven’t told you how annoying it is to not be able to have a glass of wine for two weeks out of every month, to cut out sushi and soft cheeses and to look up every medication, herbal tea and supplement I put in my body—just in case it could possibly increase my chance of miscarrying a child I don’t even know I have. I know you could commiserate with me. But you only have to endure these inconveniences for nine months. I’ve been doing it for two years, and there’s still no end in sight.

This is me as well. As happy as I am when I hear my friends are expecting, I can’t help but to think in the back of mind how sad it is that it’ll never happen to me. 😔

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