WASHINGTON—After the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 in favor of the method being used on death-row inmates, federal prisons reinstituted executions by lethal inflation, sources confirmed Wednesday.
“Pumping air into the prisoner until they swell up and burst into a cloud of bone and viscera is clearly a lawful and humane way to execute inmates,” said Federal Bureau of Prisons director Michael Carvajal, adding that while some critics of the death penalty oppose lethal inflation as cruel and unusual punishment, the rapid injection of a cocktail of noble gasses into an inmate ensured that their eyes popped out of their head within minutes.
peejaymoore Holy f. Seriously wtf
🤦♂️
This is pretty dark
That's how I'd want to go! Esp. if they used helium!
Threaten me with a good time why don't ya.
Atleast he's enjoying his last seconds of life
callum_may
KawaiiMothra Tr45hB1n
Deviantart 'artists' are going to support this
Like putting too much air in a balloon- and something bad happens! Melllvar
The cleaner's union will be up in arms. And other body parts too.
hiltonholloway That's a blow up doll!
Repackaged Monty Python joke. TheOnionSucks
legomax98
it is said the defendant was caught jaywalking? yes i request the inflation
you cant kill me with a good time
what’s the fastest way to be put on death row?!?!
😏
Bruh...
honkey_text
octobadger1 KingslyFishao
The governor just called to give him a pardon - put a pin in him
So that’s where the balloon people in front of car dealerships come from
furryshtposter
Seems cruel and unusual.
Death by tickling
The writers thinly veiled fetish....
Pop me like one of your french balloons~
FYI crucifox , nikolaiswiss
Idk about this one
The Onion is dead; real news is stranger.
Jokes on you,
MAZUQUE!!! ObservKing
Thiss just reminded of the movie Apt Pupil when The Nazi was found so he decided to blow into his IV tubes and gave himself a Heart Attack.
Cool there’s got to be a video for this story
Vesiris11
The photoshopping on this is 🔥🔥🔥
Ok lol
Not what he was expecting when they said hes be 'blown up!'
Bruh
great, now we have to kinkshame capital punishment too?
Isn’t this a Trump covid cure?
Onion is horny on main
Isn't The Onion a humor website? (must have changed hands...)
Campaigners Cite Last Execution By Lethal Inflation As Example Of Cruel And Unusual Punishment JusticeForMrCreosote MontyPython
Dandicoot
Either the head will pop off or you will be crushed
Amethystproto AzzyTheFurry
wow, this really blew up.
😂🤣🤣🤣👍🏾
The OwOnion
Honestly sign me up
They got the idea after Harry Potter murdered a dinner guest.
Baymax bighero6
No, it’s injection. Lethal injection. Sheesh!
go to horny jail
This is what happens when you put Deviantart people in charge of the government!
Some one somewhere is yeeting skeet to this tweet right now
OwO
ItsStem TheASMRJ
that SenSanders?
I wish
BoltLizard
Dig Dug reboot now!
Well, I hope they're satisfied. They just started a war between the Keynesians & Monetarists over what causes the inflation.
Did the Onion hire Andrew Dobson or something
This makes up for everything. 1000/10.
😂
JackThorn22
imgoodlooking24
they should have started with that assbag who set fire to his victims in their own car
Ya_Boi_Azau
Smashmaster12
Say 'sike', Bro, please.
i’m gonna kinkshame
I feel like this every time after full english breakfast
this doesn't violate the 8th Amendment, because it is, although very unusual, not a cruel punishment
This feels like a fetish
that's gonna blow up in their faces
Rule 34?
Sigh... *unzips*
My dream just came true ! brb getting in line.
I bet it leaves the prisoners breathless.
oh no
hes fucking enjoying it
look at him having a great time
hahahaha
this would motivate a worrying amount of people into going to jail
Thank you onion! Very cool!
dont tell the fetish artists
Oh no
jokes on you im into that shit
I is real 20
Boom, boom, out go the lights.
WendySnowRadish Genuinely frightened by this image
WendySnowRadish Hey Saberspark
but... why
The thing is. There's people that would enjoy it... Really. Enjoy it.
kaboom
The Alan Brazil method
VermyFox Don't threaten me with a good time.
all these people horny in the comments while i'm thinking bout mr big from james bond
onion onion no
Is that your mom bro?
Don't give talibangelicals any ideas
balloon
Reading the comments for this was an experience.
Look at your sins and weep
Uh.
DONT LET THE ONION NEAR US
I don't like this
what if the person who wrote this article didn't intend for it to be horny and now they're just horrified
Time to commit crimes against humanity to fulfill my lifelong dream
TheGooseborn
They go out Akira style. Now I just upset myself.
Okay, who let deviant art take control of the prison?
*inflation fetishist on their way to do mass homicide and get sentenced to death via inflation*
Kind of want to see this.
Inflation fetishists:
The_Avery_Unit
In the 8 percent and above range? 😂
Inflation furs are gonna be goin to prison for this shit here
Me yes, bigger my fetish needs to be pleased
Hi, you called? 😏
That’s really hot
Violet was the first to be executed this way, she took a piece of gum that inflated her into a blueberry.
RadiantHotcakes baphnedia Do you wanna commit some c r I m e s
Xira_Zor
We in Argentina have had lethal inflation for several years
So Dig Dug is getting work again?
the onion.. man, I haven't heard that name in a long time. I didn't recognize you, I figured it was a legitimate article in the year 2020
Someones got a kink
Some people are into this you know....
Did my research and apparently it's actually humane saying that the subject of execution only feels mild discomfort before exploding
Did the onion hire a furry?
oh god no
The Dig Dug method.
GDAlferia
don't you threaten me with a good time!
This is main
Brb, gonna commit federal crimes
Oh no the trauma from the evangelion inflation fanart is coming back
DarkThrowback
HAHA Somehow real life is still crazier than The Onion.
The amount of horny people commiting crimes punishable by death sky rockets
waxdragon357 Is dig dug an executioner now?
There’s a furry porno of this.
This would be horrifying. Fortunately they’re just paralyzed while they consciously and painfully die
oh dear god
Horny on main
Who the fuck let TheOnion hornypost on main
spacebruhjesus
Wtf is next the executioner gonna vore you? XD
Oh goddammit, who let the person with an inflation fetish get into The Onion?
inflation art real life 😳
Oh no onion you don't know what you're doing please stop, the inflation fetishists are gonna flock from everywhere oh god you've doomed us all
Does this mean the prison stocks go up or down?
farr_out_man onion getting horny on main
Kinky bastards
Feed them to death like Mr. Creosote?
Bob_Littlepage Wait what? That's a thing?
Yikes that would be a damnable 👍😉way to go
Not funny
The Fed can’t inflate you away if you buy bitcoin
Looks trumplike.
Awww...darn it. I was hoping Trump was inside that suit. I have always been against capital punishment, but if this is the way America must punish its most horrific Traitor, I will make an exception.
reminded me of how milk is made
LuckyLynx1
They’re really gonna make their decisions blow up in their faces
Stop it get some help
Sad day to see the nation's finest news source going horny on main
Inflate gate?
i had to see this
Do people not realize that these articles are satire? 🤔
Well, that blows.
You probably should give Trump any ideas. He’s probably researching it on Fox News right now.
No.
This needs to be a metal album cover. Because this is metal as hell.
they made evangelion real
Damn this blew up.
right in the feels, death by love/babysitting for the next 50-60 years.
This is ONLY used for those convicted of Blowharding in the First Degree.
Having run out of ways to parody reality, the Onion has evidently resorted to fetishism.
Finally
horny moment
OK?
Anger management has two sided to the coin
ANDREW DOBSON has logged into the chat
Death via deviantart
And pop! Goes the weasel.
wow. that blows.
c_grandmaster
No no no no
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