They lay out some ways to assert yourself by expressing warmth: communicating “you mean a great deal to me” or that the person has changed your life for the better in some way:A hug, the squeeze of an arm, an arm around the shoulders, an affectionate pat on the back, the squeeze of a hand held affectionatelySincerely warm words, such as “Thank you.” “You’re great!” “I really understand what you mean.” “I like what you did.
Of course, after I became an adult, living in New York City, I was able to make friends and there were no longer big mean girls trying to give me a daily beatdown. But behavior patterns that work for us at one point tend to become behavioral habits that we engage in automatically, and I remained Amy the Worm, careful never to express an opinion unless I thought others would approve of it and behaving in various other suckuppy, self-denying ways.
I do that now constantly, telling people in my life that I care about them, that they made a difference for me. I tell a friend who’s a mom how much I respect the effort and time she puts into raising a daughter with good character. If you aren’t assertive, and would like to start, good news. As I write in my new"science-help" book,"Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence,” your feelings are not the boss of you. Acting assertively just takes telling your fears to bugger off and then saying what you should.
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