Existential Researchers Teach Rat To Run Forever Through Exitless Maze

PARIS—In what has been hailed as a breakthrough in how one must confront the sheer nothingness that pervades all being, existential researchers at the Collège international de philosophie announced Thursday that they had taught a rat to run forever through an exitless maze.

“Our team has successfully ascertained that rats are no different from humans in their capacity to scamper perpetually through a maze without purpose or end,” said Jean-Pierre Descoteaux, one of the pale, expressionless researchers who smoked pipes as they explained their certainty that the rats were slowly learning how to confront the perplexing and vertiginous task of existing with no ultimate goal. “There is no cheese at the end because there is no end.

Rodents Jean-Pierre Descoteaux Behavioral Neuroscience Scavengers The Onion

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