Elite Preschool Boasts 95% Of Graduates Go On To Kindergarten

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 1 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 4%
  • Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

I could have sworn I heard this on The Simpsons when Maggie goes to the Ayn Rand School for Tots, but apparently not. So what have I been quoting from all these years?

aljoneswins I understand that 80% of the 5% work at the Onion.

Can’t wait for “Pre-School Sheldon”

Interesting. I guess that's about 30% of us that didn't. For me it was the math that got me.

Because they survived?

Extra funny because 5% don't make the cut.

The other 5% have enough nannies to ‘home school’

The last five per cent? Coal mines.

? the other 5%

aflyguynew1 😂

the other 5% are booked out for Biden's photo ops.

thesamgelsomino

The other 5% become social media influencers

I know a low socio-economic family whose son is still in kindergarten. He is 23. We need to fund the public sector as well!

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

How Elite Runner Obsie Birru Advocates for More Kindness Among Competitors on the Race Course“Yes, [the purpose of running] is to obviously be better and push yourself. But it’s also about encouraging others.”
Source: runnersworld - 🏆 19. / 71 Read more »

'Was it alive???' See how a little girl smuggled her pet to school'Was it alive?' See how a little girl smuggled her family pet to school For all those who are new to this working from home Bitcoin trading options Here's a little tip: Get a trusted Bitcoin expert and stick to him Arnoldnike93 Invest and play at similar times each day. Because : In times of chaos, your investment is your anchor to success⚖️
Source: TODAYshow - 🏆 389. / 55 Read more »

Pink helps dying fan check off big bucket list item'You are a legend,' the Grammy-winning musician told elite marathon runner Diane Berberian. For all those who are new to this working from home Bitcoin trading options Here's a little tip: Get a trusted Bitcoin expert and stick to him Arnoldnike93 Invest and play at similar times each day. Because : In times of chaos, your investment is your anchor to success⚖️ “Pink uses fan for a positive press release.” libbyjett1223 Awww!! This is why I love Pink so much!! Pink Love you, girl!! You're awesome!! Much live and respect! ❤
Source: TODAYshow - 🏆 389. / 55 Read more »

The 95 Best Breakup Songs for the Newly SingleQueue up these heartbreak songs and get ready to scream/sing/sob. A break up list with no Snow Patrol Not even You Could Be Happy (You could be happy and I won't know But you weren't happy the day I watched you go), or New York. Or come on: What If This Is All The Love You Ever Get?. Y'all. 95? Who has time for that? Just cry and get it over with. TeamAriana
Source: TeenVogue - 🏆 481. / 51 Read more »

Racism plagues U.S. military academies despite diversity gainsGraduates of color say they are still experiencing the brunt of discrimination at some of the nation's top military schools. Of course they're saying that. That's how you get ahead nowadays, claim racism. Thank you so much Bryan_Conn for bringing this joy and happiness into my life. Since he introduced me into binary options my life has changed because I've been earning massively. I started my investment last 2 weeks with $500 and I've earned over $10k now. A win for 2021
Source: NBCNews - 🏆 10. / 86 Read more »

Marines Training for Taiwan Crisis w/Tom O'ConnorToday on The Daily Break Podcast: NaveedAJamali talks with Newsweek's Tom O'Connor (ShaolinTom) about the U.S. Marine Corps preparing for the outbreak of a potential crisis by returning to its roots as an elite island-hopping force. Listen & Subscribe:
Source: Newsweek - 🏆 468. / 52 Read more »