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DNC Leaders Bury Heads In Hands After New Moderate Presidential Recruit Immediately Walks Into Oncoming Traffic

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WASHINGTON—Dealt another setback in their attempt to find a 2020 prospect they deem suitably centrist, Democratic National Committee leaders buried their heads in their hands after a new moderate presidential recruit immediately walked into oncoming traffic, sources confirmed Thursday. “For crying out loud, he didn’t even look first—he just stepped right out into the goddamn street,” DNC Chair Tom Perez said of a former Midwestern governor who, before being fatally struck by a D.C. Metrobus, was reportedly an innocuous candidate the party could run down the middle and trust not to stray too far from the status quo. “He had some great lines about being from the heartland, understanding true Americans, and not dividing the country any further, but now he’s in pieces all over the sidewalk. Goddammit! Well, at least he made it all the way to the street. The last 37 guys we tried fell in a ditch and never found their way out.” At press time, sources said an increasingly fed-up Perez had relented and told an aide to “just get fucking Bloomberg on the phone.”

 

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was thrown under the bus

shoe0nhead TRUCK-KUN NOOO! ＼(〇_ｏ)／

Is that Jeb!?

I got a laugh from this 😂😂😂

Rip mayo Pete

I can't believe they got Isekai'd...

Is this a jab to people that believes in climate Change?

He was not a moderate, he was a Climate Extinction protester.

shoe0nhead Where you going, Sleepy Joe?

Finally middle of road politician.

🤣

😂😂

Wow. In MY political fantasy, all the idiots, criminals, liars, cheaters, etc. all just QUIT! This fantasy may have orbited a bit wide into the darkness.

ha ha ha you sure did GET EM

The Onion go on chapo

Ha, thats a good one, . I liked it, very funny

Did i win the thing

Less painful than dealing with Pelosi.

They predicted Bloomberg... wow.

SaratogaGenki NEXT!

“just get fucking Bloomberg on the phone.” nice

JenD1974 Looking a little prescient with that Bloomberg comment at the end.

Why did the moderate cross the road? Look, crossing roads is an important issue. The important thing is choice and that we have access to crosswalks that are pragmatic because I'm for the good things and against the bad things... SMACK.

That's a Ukrainian bus or I'm Vladimir Putin,

Pure gold

He didn’t understand “middle of the road” politics

I mean, Warren is right there.

Shouldn't that be Elizabeth Warren with her Insistence on Removing Choice from our Healthcare?

Nice touch using the Metrobusinfo bus here. Bravo.

DNC in shock when they find candidate that isnt boring

Wow that Metrobus is a throwback. What year is this, 2004?

if u neuter ur presidential candidates they are less likely to wander off like this

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