Dear Care and Feeding: My Mother Viciously Shamed My Weight. Can I Keep Her Away From My Kids?

My husband and I are in the very early stages of trying to get pregnant, so I know this question is premature. But planning for a family I hope to have has obviously brought up a lot of feelings about the way I was raised , and I am deeply worried about what my parents could do to my potential future child.

My parents are still in my life, and though I want to cut off contact from them, it would cut me off from an extended family I adore and complicate my sisters’ lives. I am mostly able to guard my mental health by limiting contact with my parents, especially my mother, the source of most of the abuse.

My question is, how do I set boundaries with my mother if I get pregnant? Can I talk to my sister about the dangerous precedent I feel she is setting? And how can I do this without doing anything that might harm my potential kid? For what it’s worth, Kyla has expressed support for me and would help. But I also don’t want to gang up on Jane.Kyla and Jane are adults. Your relationships with them do not have to be mediated by your parents, even if they think they do.

Me? I would peace out. There are lots of ways to have other, emotionally healthy adults, in the lives of your children. My friend’s grandmother once said that most people can be divided into two categories: radiators and drains. Your mother is a drain. She will not benefit your children by being in their life. I would cut her off now, before you are a parent yourself and the stakes become higher.

If the kids are fat, they should lose weight. Simple

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