Dear Care and Feeding: I Can’t Bear to Tell My Teenage Sons Their Dad May Only Have Months Left to Live. What Should I Do?

I have a wonderful 6-year-old son. He’s bright, funny, and sweet. He loves school and his extracurricular activities, gets along well with his classmates, and is well-behaved and on board with whatever his teachers are trying to get him to do. Because my parents tended to railroad me when I was a child, I have raised him to feel that he has a strong say in many aspects of his life and given a lot of weight to his wants.

But I also feel honor-bound to warn you that this unwillingness to accept that time is a thing may turn out to be a lifelong trait. It’s one my husband has had all his life. Even after 27 years of marriage, he often expresses his gratitude for my willingness to release him from the strictures of time except when it’s absolutely unavoidable .

She died several years ago, around the time my son, “C,” turned 2. She loved him very much, although for obvious reasons she didn’t see him often. She frequently sent presents, however, and kept his picture by her bedside while she was ill. My husband works hard in therapy to carry on as a functioning adult and caring parent. Meanwhile, I am filled with white-hot rage anytime I think about her, and I get very uncomfortable when C, now 5, asks about his grandmother.

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