Dear Abby: Wife who returns to unhealthy marriage wonders why she can’t move on

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for 34 years. During most of them, I was unfaithful. I never felt like I was truly married because my husband never gave me the time of day, but I liked my marital status because, I guess, we were companions. As soon as my kids married and the nest was empty, I left. I didn’t feel I needed to stay and be unhappy, so I moved out. Why I didn’t divorce him during those eight years is beyond me.

We are now back together, and I don’t know why. We’re not physically attracted to each other, and he is manipulative, selfish and sarcastic. Why, Abby, am I afraid to move on from this? I hate it when we’re alone at home. I’d rather spend the day with my grandchildren. I didn’t miss him at all when I was away, but he called me often and I felt obligated and guilty.

DEAR SEARCHING: If you really want to find “happy,” the place to start would be in the office of a licensed psychotherapist. Once you figure out why you were willing to settle for marriage to a manipulative, selfish, sarcastic man to whom you are not attracted, you will figure out what your next move should be. From where I sit, it should be in the direction of the office of a lawyer who can help you untangle yourself from your unhealthy marriage once and for all.

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