Dear Abby: ‘Dear old friends’ should be able to say just about anything to one another

DEAR ABBY: I’m part of a group chat with two dear old friends. We are attorneys with lengthy and distinguished careers. Like so many, we started the chat during the pandemic, when I was living abroad and unable to get back to the U.S. We have continued the chat as we live in different states now. We use it to check in with each other daily or share frustrations, opinions and thoughts on current events and life’s challenges.

Recently, one of the women wrote that during her last physical, her doctor recommended a biopsy. Then she said, “I’m not asking for either of you to share your research, opinions or advice just yet. I just wanted to let you know what is going on, and I’ll keep you updated as I learn more.” I was upset when I read that statement, especially since she does not hesitate to offer opinions or research of her own. I feel quite over this 20-year friendship. I just don’t think that’s the way to talk to friends. Do you agree? -- PERTURBED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERTURBED: I do NOT agree. “Dear old friends” can say just about anything to each other without them overreacting the way you seem to have. If you felt hurt or slighted by what the woman wrote after learning that she might have a malignancy, pick up the phone and TELL her how you felt and why. But to drop someone at this point would be cruel and uncalled for.

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