Cynical Man Knows Biden Election Won’t Actually Solve Fundamental Problem Of His Plantar Fasciitis

PHOENIX—Unwilling to entertain the idea of a brighter future, local cynic Kevin Schwertman confirmed Tuesday that he knew electing Joe Biden president wouldn’t actually solve the fundamental problem of his plantar fasciitis.

“Look, I would love if Biden could wave a wand and put an end to my plantar fasciitis, but even if the Democrats manage to pull this election off, that’s not going to happen,” said Schwertman, who explained that while he would cast his ballot for the Democratic nominee, the underlying inflammation in the tendons of his left foot was just too severe for one man to change. “Life under Trump hasn’t been easy, but if you look back to when Obama was president, I had heel pain then too.

He ''Is'' in a World of Hurt coming. He Just Don't know it Yet. The Biden Family is Back in the Game. China is Open for Business as Usual..Time for Joe and Family to ''line their pockets'' again.

Ummm, you posted the wrong picture. That's not me.

That’s what Barca Loungers are for.

People in the trumps followers in the White House members will be known as liars for supporting the biggest liar this country.

Plantar fasciitis is no joke

Amputation is a quick cure

Yeah what does Biden plan to do to solve this man's platlife fasting?

Exactly!!

Only a win by NY Jets can do that...

Sounds like another made up disease, like COVID! My uncle's friend's son talked to a guy who told him Alex Jones said the damn Dems jsut went to cut off your foots!

but duct tape will

Actually Biden would probably offer advice such as, 'Plantar fasciitis is inflammation of the plantar fascia, a part of your foot. You can usually help plantar fasciitis with things like rest, ice packs, and comfortable shoes. A foot specialist can help if it does not get better'

These good-for-nothing politicians are all the same!

Fake news, my PF is much better now.

Oofos

I mean COVID could cure his Plantar Fasciitis...

I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire! 😂😂😂

Thank you for spelling that right. You know it has to be a parody site in today's world when everything is spell and grammar checked so well

Plantar Fasciitis is the secret service code name for Joe Biden

Man, joshuaradin got old.

Leave Jimmy Kimmel and Jon Stewart's love child alone

Biden election won’t solve the fundamental problems that enabled Trumpism to rise either.

Breaking News: Millions of Twitter Followers go Cross-eyed, attempting to read Big Words, uttered by Satirical News Account.

I sure hope to God that it helps my erectile dysfunction

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