Citing further evidence of trouble brewing beneath the surface, Phelps stated that the Matthiesons rarely make eye contact when they speak to each other, something she had never noticed before, though she has known the family since she and Jessica became friends in sixth grade. She also said Jessica’s parents often step outside onto the cabin’s deck to trade whispered, harsh-sounding words, leading her to suspect there may be something really serious going on that she knows nothing about.
According to Phelps, her friend also spends the majority of her days vindictively calling her younger brother a “friendless freak” and finding other ways to push his buttons, having seemingly made him angry “just for the fun of it” throughout the family’s recent day at the public beach, during lunches on the outdoor picnic table, and even while he’s simply sitting alone at the end of the property’s dock.
“Then last night at dinner, the four of them went practically the entire meal without saying a word,” she added. “Back home, they’d always at least talk about their day.”The high school freshman confirmed that the family’s veneer of tranquility had worn thinner each day, and that she worries about how tense the situation might become if rainy weather forces them to stay inside the cabin together for an entire 24-hour period.
Fucking privileged kids. I WISH my family could have pretended to be nice for a few hours when I had friends over.
bruh who heard me talking about my childhood friends families and wrote an onion article on it😂😂 the part about the friend bullying her younger bro is real and i recall feeling so bad for my old friend's bro. i kept finding reasons for us to leave him be when i stayed over😬
2 days max for any normal family!
It be like that
I’ve been there.
Poor thing.
Are you writing my bio?
OMG TRUTH 😅
Facade cracks became visible after dad kicked the dog when mom sharted her new shorts.
Especially considering the 'middle of the night' visits from the dad...
PsychiatryHater it would happen to me on the first day
The white lotus syndrome
she lives only cuz they know she doesn’t keep a diary
'Could you let your Dad know I don't want to 'date' him.'
A little too close to home here!
Cracks in facade visible as Onion repeats headline for a fifth time.
That’s when the thin veneer of civility wears off and the real personalities start to emerge.
'Confirmed: friend's family are racists'
Hers or theirs?
best family vacation ever
Sounds like a great gig, but there’s a lot of pressure on those kids.
The three-day mark is when it starts smelling like an old fish!
Painfully relatable!!! 🛹🐢
Iiiiiiizzz zzsszssisssioiioossissis
Hell on Earth..
She looks worried. Probably found something icky or disturbing in one of the closets of their lake house.
I can't even vacation with my own family. Cracks visible on the first day.
'If Mr. Jones mentions my legs one more time, I'm going to lose it. And what was that crap from Mom about my taste in music? She still listens to Air Supply. Three more days. Halfway there. Then binge Euphoria and blast Bad Seed Rising in the pool house.'
These people are way too normal. It’s fucking weird.
Anonymous teen warns, “If I have to say ‘Thank you’ one more time, I will DIE.”
And that's why you don't have crotch goblins.
Lot of pressure on kids brought to vacation with friends’ families. Sounds like a great deal, but I don’t envy them.
Ah, yes. Family bliss.
How does The Onion capture real life more vividly than real journalism
holy shit this is accurate
Day three is critical for the future of the facade. Everyone knows this.
not a singular miss
I’m homeless due to a fire. Anything will help!!!
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