Love & Money is a MarketWatch series looking at how money issues impact our relationships with significant others, friends and family. “My wife has always earned more money than me, and for a while it absolutely killed our sex life. Dead. I’m a trial lawyer now, but from 2006 to 2016 I didn’t make a dime. I went back to school to get my master’s and Ph.D. and try to break into academia.
The financial gender balance within marriage seems to be changing at a faster pace than society’s attitudes about successful women. Men and women who put love ahead of money may be part of a new generation that is breaking away from old-fashioned tropes about who should be the breadwinner. However, studies indicate that they’re pushing against larger social and cultural forces, which put a higher value on husbands who earn more than their wives.
Americans see men as the financial providers, even as women’s contributions grow, a separate report published in 2017 by the Pew Research Center found. Women bring at least half or more of the earnings in almost one-third of cohabiting couples in the U.S., up from just 13% in 1981. “But in most couples, men contribute more of the income, and this aligns with the fact that Americans place a higher value on a man’s role as financial provider,” the authors said.
People’s attitude to finance and romance also change from wedding No. 1, No. 2 and No. 3, said Randy Kessler, who wrote the book, “Divorce: Protect Yourself, Your Kids, and Your Future,” and also practices family law in Atlanta, Ga. “People marry more for romance than for finance. However, for a second or third marriage, people may be looking for financial security,” he said. Despite being a divorce lawyer, he describes himself as a romantic.
Writer Julia Baird has another, less flattering, theory about men’s attitudes to money and marriage. She wrote in Glamour Magazine: “Oh, how fragile is the ego of a man. We must never let him feel like a bonsai in a grove of California redwoods — no, he must always see himself as a towering tree, magnificent in comparison with his female partner.” When she was writing a biography of Queen Victoria, Baird discovered that even Victoria was afraid her beloved Albert would feel emasculated.
Gender politics takes a back seat to an uncertain economy Uncertain economic times and age bring a dose of realism to gender politics at home. More than half of Americans say they want a partner who provides financial security more than “head over heels” love, according to a recent survey by Merrill Edge, an online discount brokerage and division of Bank of America Merrill Lynch BAC, +0.79% Contrary to research by Pew and others, this sentiment is held in almost equal measure by men and women .
Many factors are not taken into account with this article. Women having no guaranteed maternity leave in this country is a big one. Add that to the fact most American women still do the majority of household chores which easily add up to 20 hours of extra unpaid labor per week.
There is longitudinal paper about it called “Honey I got fired! The effect of unemployment on couples” or something along that.
Runs contrary in the face of the gender equality hype of the era
Do short men make less money or are you implying a guy is less of a man?
If I could be a stay-at-home husband I'd call that winning. My wife's job is way harder than mine and after last month she now makes more than I do. It's kind of nice because it relieves pressure on me! Her job is harder and she deserves to make more.
But well if she spends more than she makes...
definitely true. Why is it so much harder on women? Dont earn as much Put up w a lot more harassment stuff.....still considered old at 40 (men at 60) Relationships def suffer cc useeoc aoc aclu
I can only dream of being on the winning side of lifetime alimony
Where's the equality. The man could be successful in his own right in his career. Just the way it goes.
Damm I should have married a 6 figure making Momma and I would be free by now
Women will need to adjust their expectations for a more equal society. I thought that's what feminism was all about anyways?
Yeah. She divorces him.
oh boy
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