Photo: Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images “So they never kiss?” Jin asked. “Is this some sort of millennial hookup culture? Celibate intimacy and meaningless sex?”
That wasn’t true — Gen-Xers aren’t more anti-queer than other generations — but I was defensive. I wasn’t speaking clearly. What I meant was that gender often determines the kinds of friends that straight people have. One brand of heteromasculinity, for instance, presumes women are the only people to whom men can bare their souls because they are the only people men sleep with.
Whatever term one uses, valuing the intimacy of friendship helps us reconsider our responsibility to others. When we care for people who are neither relatives nor romantic partners, taking them to the hospital or providing them with meals, they inch toward a world in which people commit themselves to the well-being of the broader public.
But that term does not capture everything. It does not register the deep affection, vulnerability, and trust that people can build without the possibility of dating. That friend and I grew close once he started driving. When we could decide where to go and what to do, we shirked familial and romantic obligations to listen to Fall Out Boy in his car, to build a slip-n-slide at the park, and to skimboard at the beach.
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