Carolyn Hax: What to tell a child when her dad hated being a parent?

My husband and I have a daughter, 4, and are in the process of a divorce. I would never, ever want her to think the divorce is her fault, but her existence is the reason for it. Shortly after her birth — it had been an accidental pregnancy — my husband decided he hated parenting. Eventually, I could no longer stomach living with someone who was miserable all the time and hated being around his family.

Side note about depression: If it’s possible your husband is depressed, and that’s why he shut down on parenting, then please encourage him to seek evaluation and treatment. Small kids can be way harder than people expect, with physical consequences to that struggle.Anyway. The answer to your question, at long last: You tell your daughter whatever version of the truth you want to tell that blocks the doors to her thinking it’s about her or that you’ll leave her, too .

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