Carolyn Hax: Spouse feels blindsided after overhearing husband’s therapy session

Earlier this week, I overheard my husband say some really negative, hurtful things about me. I thought he was on a work call but realized he was actually talking with his therapist. I was so surprised, it took me a little while to understand what I was hearing and high-tail it to another area of the house.

Now I can’t unhear what he said and am not sure how to move forward. I know what I heard wasn’t meant for me and was just a snippet of a much larger conversation, but how do I move on since it’s not something I can address with him directly? We have young kids, and life is busy and stressful, but I thought we were okay, relationship-wise. Apparently not, and I’m not sure how much longer I can act like we’re fine with his words in my head.I don’t agree, though, that you can’t address it with him.

So admit you accidentally caught some stray words that were hurtful to you, before you pieced it together and high-tailed it elsewhere. Then say you’re mentioning it for two reasons: You don’t want to lie to him by omission, about the overhearing or about your feelings, and you do want him to take soundproofing precautions before his next appointment.Tell him if he’s not ready, you and he don’t have to discuss the substance of what you overheard.I was seeing a therapist to deal with frustrations in my marriage over little things that I knew did not affect the big important things, but nevertheless left me resentful.

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