Carolyn Hax: Is it wrong to ‘confront’ a brother who resists staying in touch?

How do you confront a person who is distancing themselves from you, without feeling like it will further push them away?

My brother is married, has a 17-month-old boy and helps his wife run a fairly successful restaurant in a resort town in Maryland. However, he barely acknowledges my mother, who is not overbearing and is very kind. It almost feels like he purposely wants nothing to do with any of us without ever telling us why.

He lives far away, and whenever I try to talk to him on the phone, it feels like he’s being watched. So every conversation ends up feeling calculated and distanced. It also makes it hard to bring up tough subjects when these conversations are very rare — once a month at most. I fear that he’ll further avoid us if we bring up how we feel.

· Having worked in the restaurant business with a father who managed, it’s all-consuming. Never mind owning a restaurant. In a resort town during the summer? Along with a toddler? Yikes. And, given that vacationers have been “catching up” post-covid, I would question that brother has time to sleep! And, with a toddler, might very well not.

“Confront” puts someone on the defensive and adds to the plate of stress. Maybe be curious about the brother and his life and see where it leads. Maybe go visit during the offseason. That might answer some questions.Schools get sudden donations after ‘The Last Repair Shop’ wins Oscar

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