Carolyn Hax: Does ambivalence about parenthood mean you shouldn’t have kids?

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Partner definitely wants to have kids, but this letter writer still has doubts — and wonders if that’s the end of that.

Over the years of Hax chats and columns, I’ve gotten the message that unless both members of a couple are enthusiastic about having a child, they should not have a child. That makes sense. But does that mean there’s no room for ambivalence?

I’m scared of the idea of having a kid — but I’m scared of any big change, and always have been. I’ve never run excitedly into the unknown. I tend to drag myself into the unknown, flinching, then I generally end up enjoying where I am once I get there. The whole point of the both-on-board message is that children need parents who are all in. That can include people mature enough to leave past doubts behind upon becoming parents.

 

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