Carolyn Hax: Can this sibling salvage a brother’s relationship with their mom?

I had a blowout fight with my older brother a few years ago when I stood up for our mother about how hurt she is that he rarely calls, visits or incorporates her into his family, even though he has her only grandchildren and lives nearby. He hasn’t spoken to me since and rejected my invitation to meet one on one when I reached out soon after the fight.

I understand now that I can’t fight my mother’s battles, but my brother is still very distant from our mother, and it hurts her badly, especially around holidays, when she expects little or no contact from her son and grandchildren beyond token gestures. Is there anything I can do to help the situation?Yes. You can mean it when you type, “I understand now that I can’t fight my mother’s battles.” This is her relationship to mend with her son.

Not that it’s necessarily your mom’s fault that he distanced himself; I’m just citing that as one example of the unknowns and variables that can drive estrangements. And it’s one of the many arguments for being mindful of your own business. Unless it’s your own relationship, you’re missing some crucial information — based on nothing more than being on the outside looking in. For all you know, you “stood up” for the wrong family member.

So: Tend to your connection with Mom. If you want so badly for family to spend time with her, then move closer. You don’t have puppet-string privileges with anyone else.for butting in where you didn’t belong, promise it won’t happen again, and make sure it never happens again.· My sibling has tried to step in to fix my very rocky relationships with our parents.

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