WASHINGTON—Millions of Americans were reportedly sucked into the vacuum of outer space Tuesday after the country’s airlock accidentally opened above NASA’s headquarters in what the agency is calling a significant technical error. “Earlier this morning, a computational malfunction opened the NASA Earth Airlock above our Washington D.C.
headquarters, sending millions of individuals, cars, and livestock flying upwards into the sky and out into the reaches of outer space,” said agency administrator Jim Bridenstine, urging concerned citizens to hold tight to any nearby flora or support beams to cope with the explosive depressurization and oxygen rushing from the open airlock into the cold expanse of space. “Rest assured that we are working on a solution to temporarily patch the N.E.A.
TiredTater Ah, crap! They’re letting the Chitari in!
Someone crossed the streams.
If the stars should appear ~
Bruh
There'll be a dozen flat earthers doing hour long videos on this now!
Take Putin, the oligarchs and the Trumps while you're at it
Well there goes part of Texas. Honestly I think we'll survive.
How high are you right now?
We could only dream!!!!
robertcaruso Sorry.
not again
'Millions Of Americans Sucked Out Into Space After NASA Accidentally Open Airlock Above Headquarters' I am in favor.
Ugh. Not again.
Been waiting for season 4 of The Leftovers!
Sucked up into outer space. Yet another thing to worry about.
You had me at sucked
pilliarscreatio 😆
I hate it when this happens.
It’s not the rapture?
Yeah, but does anyone actually personally know anyone sucked into the airlock?
Someone’s getting fired 🤦♂️
Can this please stay open?
Finally, a vacation I can afford.
SpaceGurlEvie your work?
Do this over NYC and LA plz Nasa
Are you sure that wasn't just the Rapture?
Finally
oops! send our condolences...
Damn it! Those Jews and their Space Lasers.
Eek. Somebody is getting demoted.
What, are we trying to air condition the universe?
I don't think they do that much research yet 🙃
This looks like 'Sliders' on steroids
I guarantee you 100 Trumpers are forwarding this in all seriousness and panic right this moment.
Cc: LiamODin
😯😯
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Could they just move that airlock a little over to the right? Thanks.
Shouldn’t the title of this be “DC SUCKS!”?
LMAO! “Rest assured that we are working on a solution to temporarily patch the N.E.A.’s open hatch with some duct tape and a large sheet of plastic as quickly as possible. 1/2
Oops
More likely to get sucked into the black hole that is SLS spending ;)
😜😂😂😂😂
we are getting sucked off
Oh no! It's the rapture
This will significantly worsen the space debris problem
Oh oh do me 👌
This doesn’t even make sense
Hey.. get this guy to be the next President 😉😉😂
Could you PLEASE not even play with this stuff? There are those who will believe this! ☹️
. were trump and ilk some Asking for friendssssssssssss.
The ONION 🤣 btw do they have such an airlock over india too..? If yes then I suggest they open it and keep it open esp if above the Indian Parliament🤣🤣.. Aliens would never come to earth if they met any of the political bafoons we have in India..
You see? This why you don't have friends 😮
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Count me in!
sick, are they doing a tour or something?
Duct tape
The onion is just out there telling real world news anymore. Cause can’t be any more ridiculous than what’s going on right now
Phew, I'm gonna show the police this article when they realize my ex-wife is missing. Right on time onion. Right...on...time...
Lucky.
Lucky bastards
Thank gods, where is the vortex?
Sounds pretty good compared to what's happening now :/
Again!? Didn't Onion say they were sucked into space a week or so ago? It's becoming a weekly event. 🏃♂️🏃♀️💨🛸
That’s right
You should be more responsible with your news. Not everyone is intelligent enough to know it’s not true.
That'll teach those hippy protesters!
Ah, the lucky ones.
Oops
It's BLOWN OUT. Get your science straight.
lucky them
We can only hope!
AAthethird Nuclear lunch codes was 0000 after all
Bro its true, i was there
Move a little more to the right and then suck really really hard. Get all that trash.
MAGA🇲🇾
Too many people for the Rapture.....isn't this the end of times? Somebody is fuckin' with us
Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin Bitcoin
Are you sure that isn't SpaceX?
jjjinvesting This is the 2020 finishing move. Flawless victory.
What’s beautiful about it is since there’s no leverage point in space, they all need to hold on to each other to stay together, and with the internal forces and big enough numbers they can change their formation allowing them to dodge small obstacles. Every person counts 🤛
Many of them were out rioting
Please say Trump and all his goons were sucked up as well......No?.....Well we can dream.
About time
If only
seems ligit
Are you going to fact check jack
SB2749 Ain't this from that one SpongeBob episode
TheBabylonBee is eating your lunch.
FUCK. I wonder if they'd take requests to open another one.......
As long as my cat's ok.
didn't y'all already do this
God I wish that was me
Accidentally? Yeah right this is an experiment.
Promise?
NASA is mad that their budget is constantly being cut and decided to take revenge. This was no accident.
see i know this is parody
Take me
Finally
Finally, some good news.
Right city, wrong building.
Ouch slow burn?
Please open it right above CNN
Good thing it's Florida.
Whoops
Was trump one of them?
They couldn't just suck Trump into the void just for lolz
SB2749 NOOOO ahhhhh
It’s just SpaceX and The Boring Company coming to full fruition
God I wish that were real, any reason to escape this nonsense
If Spaceballs taught me anything you’re going to want to reverse the flow on the giant vacuum cleaner
This is blatent falsehoods and misinformation. They weren't sucked I into space, they were blown into space.
Couldn’t happen at a better place than Capitol Hill 🤣
mbt103
Let’s gooooo!!!
use the schwartz nasa, use the schwartz.
I hate when that happens.
I wish
DEW. IT.
Lucky.
Thoughts and prayers 😬
Thoughts and prayers
I can't remember cars being part of the rapture...
Paging Stonekettle
Pick me
We’re going to be so much better off
I wish
Whoops! Ah well, that's the process of progress
doggamnit😂😅😂 you never fail to impressively surprise .. i was waiting to see the aliens
“Accidentally.” How cute and naive.
the password was 1-2-3-4-5
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