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Black Man Blissfully Unaware His Name Going To Be Hashtag By End Of Week

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COLUMBUS, OH—Going about his daily routine without any knowledge of what would transpire in the near future, local black man Richard Phillips was said to be blissfully unaware Thursday that his name would be a social media hashtag by the end of the week. According to sources, the 38-year-old African American and father of two continued to run errands and commute to his job with no inkling that in less than 36 hours, his first and last name would be a nationally trending term on Facebook and Twitter, frequently appearing after the words “justice for” and “remember.” As he purchased his lunch from a sandwich shop around the corner from his workplace, those with knowledge of the situation confirmed Phillips did not have the faintest clue that in addition to the hundreds of thousands of mentions on social media, his name would soon appear on homemade signs and T-shirts worn by thousands of strangers all over the country. At press time, the mercifully oblivious Phillips was, heartbreakingly, calling home and discussing with family members what they wanted to do this weekend.

 

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I don't know if this aged well or poorly.

Brooooooo

Dang y'all. It's been a rough life.

The Onion is fucking angry right now

SeanMcLoughlin Ooof. No one does bleak like the Onion.

I know it’s an onion’s job but goddamn bro, you’re making me cry, that shit is sad

richardphillips

2016 The Onion is on point.

Awesome

Ugh

DAMN

Ouch. Something to think about, America.

jesus christ

It wasn’t dark. It wasn’t over the line. It was perfect. It’s the guy punch it’s supposed to be.

damn wtf

Oh snap!

idk onion.. been following for years been this one? Not it chief..

Oof.

Fuck

oof

Everyone wants their 15 minutes.

This isn't even satire anymore, Jesus

WOW

Keep up the good work . This one also got me really good.

Goddamn that's dark.

Oooof. Painfully real.

I give you 3 oh damns

Oof

Sometimes we need funny satire and sometimes we need satire that just dropkicks you in the teeth...

😢

Goddamn, Onion... that's pretty bleak even for you.

oh god

This one is from 2016, but as relevant as ever

I’m confused

onion?!!

I can’t believe you went there. But then, this is America and this is an unfortunate reality.

Harsh but true.

why is this a screenshot of OS X Snow Leopard

I mean, you're probably not wrong, sigh

This was way too dark

This is fucking grim

A punch in the gut. Ugh.

Too real

Jesus Christ.

I enjoy seeing the onion sometimes use their style to bring attention to a serious topic.

Thoughts and prayers from the Right

Ooof!

holy shit

'My name is Thursday... Thursday Thoughts and I agree with this tweet.'

this one hurt

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