LOS ANGELES—Grasping at straws to break his unending string of embarrassing defeats, sources confirmed Friday that the new DC filmwas the last chance for something to go right in Dwayne Johnson’s miserable fucking life.
According to sources, the premiere of the superhero movie served as a last-ditch attempt for well known failure Dwayne Johnson to turn the tide of his pathetic existence and find meaning in his otherwise meaningless life. Several reports confirmed that after the ceaseless toil and drudgery that has been Johnson’s vacuous, unaccomplished existence up to this point,signified the only potential bright spot in a sea of darkness devoid of happiness or joy.
BigOnTwiter How miserable can it be at a net worth of $180 million and climbing?
This tweet made me incredibly horny
He's been gathering a lot of moss lately
😂😂😂😂 WTF?
Poor fella hope this is 'the one' for him, he'll be drawing his pension before he knows it.
I'm sure if this doesn't work for him he can just go back to cooking
LMAO damn
Holy shit? What the fuck did he do to yall.
Maybe we can get a movie without him now
Brammered
WideAsleepNima He can still become president
Ayo NotTheCID
He's worth hundreds of Millions & the top guy in Hollywood. He's doing ok
The hierarchy at the Onion is about the change...
Glad this is satire
Fuuuuuuuuck wow
He seems like a nice kid. I’m sure his break will come.
what the fuck is with his face he looks like a 3d model
I'm praying for him. Seems everything he's ever done has been a failure. He seriously needs a break. 😟😟😟
Poor thing has had a rough go of it, so he has.
Very aggressive today eh?
I think we should start a GoFundMe for him
Yowch!
Please help him
hahahahahaa
Maybe he can go back to wrestling? Get his fan base back up and don't jump on board every movie he's offered. Wait for a movie like John Carter to come around.
RealGraz LOL
The poor bastard 🤣
Couldn’t agree more. 🤭
C’mon big man, you can still turn it round!
Not true! He can always run for fucking president! 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
Lol
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