Billie Eilish and the Pursuit of Happiness

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What does happiness mean when you're a pop star on Billie Eilish's level? In our cover story, she takes us through the dark road she had to walk to get to her stunning new album

Promising Young WomanThe Twilight Saga,

Eilish’s privacy was more precious than she had initially realized. She put a lot of herself out for the world to consume early in her career, when she was an “annoying 16-year-old” trying to engage with her fandom the way she wanted her favorite artists like Justin Bieber to do back when she was a preteen fan. “It’s sad because I can’t give the fans everything they want,” she says.

We move outside, to the sole picnic table in the yard, and enjoy the warm, crumbly peanut butter cookies. Shark finds a particularly bright patch of sunlight to lie in. Suddenly, he hops up and runs along the fence, in response to the barks of a neighbor’s dog that he desperately wants to befriend. Eilish is a bit jealous. Photograph by Yana Yatsuk for Rolling Stone. Fashion direction by Alex Badia. Shirt by Burberry.this yesterday,” Eilish says.

She says she spent so long “being fucked with” and had to realize that while the toxic traits she sings about were often born out of pain, that doesn’t make it OK. “I was talking to a friend about their life, and they told me all this crazy traumatizing shit that happened to them. And I’m like, ‘Oh, right, you don’t have to treat everyone like a piece of garbage, just because you’ve been hurt.

Photographs by Yana Yatsuk for Rolling Stone. Fashion direction by Alex Badia. Cardigan by Helmut Lang. Slip Dress by Gucci .which spanned from the final weeks of recordingin late 2018 through the 2020 Grammy Awards. Eilish wasn’t necessarily psyched for it to come out. “I don’t like to share that part of my life, and I was not planning on sharing that part of my life ever,” she says.

Eilish and Finneas had been largely left to their own devices, but pressure still loomed from the label. There were deadlines , constant meetings, and an expectation that a star was about to be born, thanks to a couple of years of growing buzz. “I hated every second of it,” she admits. “I hated writing. I hated recording. I literally hated it. I would’ve done anything else. I remember thinking there’s no way I’m making another album after this. Absolutely not.

 

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