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Biden Asks Advisors How Much Longer He Has To Pretend To Be Confused And Doddering To Avoid Criticism

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DES MOINES, IA—Cutting off his chief strategist midway through a daily meeting to express his unwillingness to continue the deception much longer, former Vice President Joe Biden reportedly asked advisors Wednesday how much longer he has to go through the routine of acting confused and doddering in order to avoid criticism. “Please, guys, I’m so tired of putting on this whole song-and-dance of stumbling over my words at every public appearance and painfully wincing so it seems like I’ve completely forgotten a foreign leader’s name,” said the presumptive frontrunner, looking at each and every one of his advisors with clear, thoughtful eye contact, while stressing that although his consistent lead in polling showed the strategy had worked spectacularly to shield him from any critique of his record, he also longed to drop this “entire frail-old-man act” and speak to audiences in full sentences that allowed him to robustly articulate his vision for restoring America’s soul. “Just give me a date when I can start fully enunciating my words in TV spots. That’s all. Obviously, I can keep doing the simple stuff like biting my wife’s finger or challenging audience members to push-up contests seemingly out of nowhere. I know you think that’s helpful. I get that it would sink me in the polls if I were held accountable for past statements and actions, but frankly it’s just exhausting to be constantly acting this mentally confused when I know I can be so much stronger out there.” At press time, Biden was begging his advisors to at least never again make him punch himself midway through a debate to give the appearance of his eye filling up with blood.

 

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Will he keep being confused and doddering if he gets to the white house?🤔

Just until they clear up that little Burisma business.

similar to trump's liar strategy

Advisor: “Pretend? My God, he IS confused, isn’t he?”

Now do trump.

Keep it up. It's working. Let useless prima donna biotches like Lara Trump go after you for stuttering. A human condition. She is married to Eric the airhead Trump. That speaks for itself🤣

Ugh when did The Onion get taken over by Bernie Bros Taking sides in a primary campaign is not conducive to being funny

The plan is working, sir.

But that’s real

Not funny for a long time - unfollow

So funny

Mastermind

I want a President who knows whom and what to honor, a President who has the courage of his/her convictions.

Since when did onion report actual news?

You must be careful. The Democrats may come after you. They seem to lack the sense of humor thing. TheBabylonBee CNN brianstelter

only til Bernie gets to the general, big guy.

It won’t get better.

Biden thinks video games cause violence, 👎

MaxAMaxim About as long as cannabis being a gateway drug has legs

Biden’s severe cognitive decline is nothing to joke about

Meanwhile, at the Warren campaign...

Grandpa, that isn't your phone it's the remote, give it back.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀

Not funny.

He asked confusingly

FAKE NEWS!! My team of White House Staff Guys are going to make sure you News Guys are closed down and SUED For $90,000 Trillion And have your Computers sold as SCRAP!!!

Studdering and stammering, losing track of his thoughts

Dangela2004 Excellent Onion

Nice way to insert yourself into negative political influence, as the orange prince of mental and emotional instability sits in his golf cart deciding how to start the next war to attain votes.

drmistercody

What ?! I know damn well who my corporate handlers are!

Biden with the 300 IQ plays.

he’s totally avoided criticism

He’s not faking this time

He probably has early stage dementia or something. He wasn't this way 8 years ago when he debated as VP

'pretend'

BirchJonh Start wearing a bathrobe every where you go.

Anyone at the onion not a dem socialist?

I just miss the Uncle Joe memes

Slow Biden

jess_walker 🙍‍♀️

Would be nice if he was just pretending. Watch old videos of him 4 - 8 years ago, it's mental decline.

He's the walking embodiment of the curb your enthusiasm theme music

Biden Asks Advisors How Much Longer He Has To Pretend To Be Confused And Doddering To Avoid Criticism. If he is pretending then he should get the academy award for best actor in real life.

REALLY?

Biden2020

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