One couple came into session wielding weapons of war. Bryant complained that when they argued, he felt"mad and insignificant" and characterized his role within theas a"little kid." His wife shared her emotional experience of the verbal combat, saying,"I feel betrayed," quickly adding,"I feel guilty."
Baylor University research professor Dr. Keith Sanford studied the perception of emotion in couple relationships, calling emotions perceived as asserting power"hard" and emotions perceived as expressing vulnerability"soft.
Emotional knee-jerks kick vulnerable private parts, and our sense of safety pulsates at every retort. The more we accuse or defend, the less we feel heard, understood, or appreciated, and the more we feel judged, belittled, and rejected. Our peace is as fragile as our pride is impenetrable. Arguments drenched in defending, criticizing, and debating facts constitute what I call, which leads to resentment and emotional paralysis. Understanding is thwarted, and cold distance permeates.
edwardsmft Except with narcissistic abusers.
AskEmmEmm
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