ifetime” celestial event, astronomers announced Tuesday that the Lord God Almighty’s penis would be visible in the night sky for the first time in a millennia.
knowing Creator’s mighty shaft and head would likely drop down into the sky at 11:30 p.m. EST, and would swing slowly between Mars and Jupiter for approximately an hour. “While his Holiness’s Genitals may be ever present, it’s extremely rare that the entire, unadulterated member passes this close to the E
arth’s horizon, enormous bush and all. In fact, if the sky is clear, you should be able to see the veins with a pair of binoculars or a small telescope. The last time this happened was during the Crusades, when His Blessed Schlong momentarily dangled from the Promised Land and He accidentally grazed his nuts against the moon.”At press time, astronomers were urging residents to not look directly at His Holiness’s Penis while it was erect, lest they risk going blind.
wat
Oh, I understand now. Turns out, this is what happened, why didn't he show up today.
He wipes it off on the clouds, I don’t want to gross anyone out but your flight went through those cumulus.
Ahhh...panspermia, finally 😅
What. Say you TheTweetOfGod ? 😆
.thegoodgodabove no need to show off
Hope its Zeus, that things supposed to be mighty. Not Yahwehs though, if it is anything like his followers it won't be much to see.
Me when it appears
OMG … D 🕺
Remember, it’s cold in outer space.
Even God sending unsolicited dick pics.
Where is Uranus?
Hell eternity justified as blasphemy is committed
The truly faithful know that God's penis is all around us, all the time. 🥰
'Oh look! God has a spring!' — Crow T. Robot, Mystery Science Theater 3000
pluto wants in
His glory on your face
Such good to hear I know the Israelites caused him alot of frustration good seeing the universal viagra is working
Nobody likes a show off.
God's pennis isn't visible in the night sky. It's just a figment of our imagination. God's pennis is manifest in every man who has sex, & affirmed when a woman procreates a baby. Creation is a magical wonder, in which we're privileged to be a participant. Nature has blessed us!
TheTweetOfGod Your fly is down
Instant classic
🎶 What if God was hung like us?🎶
Oh wow.
If it's uncircumsized I'm gonna be pretty mad at my parents
Allegedly... Also, $100 says DonaldJTrumpJr daddy says 'God's penis is beautiful & big, it's not as pretty as mine, mine is huge, but it's nice'.. taking all bets And remember, this is the same guy they told not to look at the eclipse...
Big man lettin the nuts hang, mad respect
How dare you say God has a Penis! 😂
It’s a mystery why we can’t see “it” all the time; creating is the Almighty’s delight.
TheTweetOfGod Hope the skies clear!
Well we have a night sky viewing through a powerful telescope in 4 weeks I’ll grab some pics (😳😳)
Just the tip.
Loada bollocks!
😂
somehow...I feel like I'm getting the shaft with this article......
I hear He's hung like a cherub.
Jesus is coming! Someone grab a towel! 😇🤣😂😇
Moons? No, gods balls
I thought that was Serpens?
It’ll be dangling right below Uranus. 😬 (thank you, folks! I’ll be here all week.)
It's God's sphincter we want to see.
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