Struggling with tantrums, bedtime boundaries, or simply wondering how to raise happy, confident kids? Sarah Rosensweet offersHave a question for Sarah? Send us an email at editors@todaysparent.com.- Mom of two, ages three and 13 monthsWhen anyone, whether three or 33, is yelling or speaking meanly, they have activated their emergency response system of fight-or-flight. Our nervous systems are not very good at telling the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat .
When your child has already started shouting, focus on soothing and empathizing. We often make the mistake of responding to the behaviour rather than the feeling that is driving the behaviour. So to stop the behaviour, we must focus on what’s underneath it. You can empathize and say, “Wow, you were so upset that your friend wasn’t letting you use their shovel and bucket. I get it. You want to play with them, too, and it’s so hard to wait until they finish.”Focus on being calm and compassionate . Your child uses your calm to come back to their own calm.
After your child has calmed down, you can invite them to repair with their friend. Notice that I didn’t say that you should ask them to apologize.
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