Ask Sahaj: My son’s 5-month relationship ended 3 years ago. He’s still reeling.

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What can this parent do to help their son who’s still stuck on a breakup from three years ago?

My son, 26, had a five-month relationship three years ago with a young woman who was very secretive about her life. My son, who had never really had any girlfriends prior, kept giving her the benefit of the doubt instead of recognizing her red flags and asking questions. She basically dumped him without a reason and was not willing to meet with him to discuss for him to have closure.

My son is a wonderful person and I hate to see him sad like this. Should I mind my own business or is there something I can do to help him move forward?Your son is learning a very tough lesson, especially if this was his first meaningful relationship and breakup. It makes sense that he’s questioning things; however, given how long it has been, it does sound like he is ruminating on his negative feelings.

You should be careful not to negate what he is feeling or try to solve his feelings for him; you don’t want to discourage his sense of agency to find solutions and support for himself. However, I am curious about the line in your letter regarding his struggle to “trust any other women” or “fall for this type of girl again.

 

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