Ask Sahaj: He told me he saw a future with me. Now he has a new girlfriend.

The guy I was seeing on and off for just shy of two years is with someone else. We never had a label on it, but we were exclusive. I thought we ended things amicably and left the door open. He wasn’t ready or able to meet my needs, and I didn’t want to stew in anxiety anymore. He said he knew that eventually he’d want to be in a monogamous relationship again, he just didn’t know when. I told him that I hoped he’d reach out to me and see if I’m available because I want to be with him.

During our breakup conversation I told him I was going to unfriend him on social media because I needed space in our immediate aftermath but eventually I might be okay with being friendly again. A few weeks ago, I added him back on social media. He let it sit then declined my request. A day or two later he changed his picture to be of him and his new partner, and her photo also changed to be one of the two of them. They recently went on a family vacation, suggesting this isn’t entirely new.

When there are unresolved emotions or thoughts that you aren’t able to share with someone, writing a letter you’ll never send can help. What do you want to say to him? Get it all out on paper so you can process and externalize all the feelings you’re having to give yourself a sense of closure. You don’t want to let go, but ask yourself why. What is it that is really keeping you holding on? Is it how he made you feel? Is it that he embodied traits important to you? Is it because you are still hopeful he’ll come back to you? This can help you get clarity on what story you are telling yourself about him and your relationship so you can start to examine it more closely.

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