Ask Elaine: I’m having Baby No. 2. I don’t have enough support, and I’m scared.

We are having our second child in less than two months, and it feels so much harder this time. I’m scared and need advice on how to cope. When my first was born four years ago, my husband earned plenty of overtime. My best friend, sister and mother-in-law were a wonderful help during labor and the early newborn months. We even had a postpartum doula who came a few afternoons a week so I could nap or shower.

The hardest part is feeling as if I have less emotional support from my husband. The women who helped me last time now all have super stressful problems in their own lives and probably won’t be around much. We can’t afford a doula either. Stress is making my pregnancy more dangerous. You seem hesitant to talk to your husband about this in your letter, but you need to tell him how his unchecked anger is affecting you and his family. Your primary partnership should be an integral source of support, not another source of stress. Make it clear to him that he needs help managing his stress in a healthier way.

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