Ask Anna: My girlfriend is still married

I have been seeing a woman who’s been separated from her husband for 14 months. We met through work and have known each other for over 10 years. The past 14 months we have been intimate and I have gotten a place for us to live. However, she recently told me that her gut is telling her not to divorce her husband over my concerns. She has been married for 20 years.

Divorce is f—ing expensive. The national average puts the cost at about $15,000. Sure, she might get lucky — if her one-day ex-husband is very, very cooperative — and pay only a $435 filing fee, but more likely, she may end up in a court battle costing tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars.to get divorced, just giving you something to think about. It’s not a one-and-done situation. It takes years and is incredibly emotionally and financially taxing.

If you really can’t agree on any potential ways to move forward, then you might have to issue that ultimatum, after all — for your own well-being as well as hers. Some people just aren’t ready to be where we are. It sucks, but it happens. If you’re not in a relationship that’s meeting your needs, then it’s time to get out of that relationship. Sometimes, loving someone means making difficult choices that honor your own needs too.

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