Her dad, “Tobias,” and I divorced when she was six and her brother was four. At the time, the literature advised divorced parents tosay anything unkind about one’s ex. Thus, I did not tell my daughter how horribly I was abused, both physically and verbally, his serial adultery, as well as his alcohol and cocaine use that drove us to near bankruptcy.After lots of therapy I still cringe when I hear his name.
On the one hand I want to tell my daughter about her dad so she can pick another middle name. On the other hand, I worry that I would selfishly evoke unwelcome turmoil and think I should remain quiet.Dear K: Protecting a child’s regard for her father while she is young is the right thing to do – as long as you know that the child is safe.There are valid reasons to disclose your ex-husband’s history of addiction to your daughter.
You should completely separate the conversation about your past from the middle name conversation, because when it comes to their child’s name, the parents get to choose, and if you don’t like the name they choose, then … too bad.I’ve been with my boyfriend “Anthony” for three years. We met in college and moved in together after graduation.
Anthony recently told me that he doesn’t see himself ever getting married. His folks divorced when he was a child and each remarried other people. I have never heard that there was any discord there and Anthony seems to have a decent relationship with his parents and stepparents.
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