Area Man’s Alcoholism Last Line Of Defense Against Relentless Barrage Of Soul-Crushing News

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thoreau74 Dm me Was going through my official page so I saw some few comments and I got attracted to yours then sign in to my personal page I control and chat you up

Been there bro!

AdamSinger

Finally. A story I can identify with.

The twitter dweller doesn’t understand the concept of not knowing every little tragedy that is currently happening in the world

Jesus, miss once in a while, damn.

Aren't you supposed to be satire? This is truth!

Area man too stupid to stop watching CNN. TheOnionSucks

Nation’s*

Amen

I hear you Area Man!!

And now your reporting on me. Well acceptance of a problem is the first step

Y’all really don’t miss, damn

IAmNickMarsh

Not funny.

Is The Onion approaching reality or is reality approaching The Onion?

These headlines are getting a little too close to home.

What about taco tuesdays

U just reminded me I need to pick up beer at Walmart!

Trying to run a satire site in our post-satire dystopian hellscape must be very challenging.

Typical lamestream media fake news. The real journalists at OAN and Gateway Pundit know *my addiction to muscle relaxers* is my real last line of defense.

Gentlemanreptar

Really sad. As a relative of someone with alcoholism there is nothing humorous at all about that statement.

ive been hurt!

Yeah... Pretty much. 😞

Not satire

Skål!

There is not enough

Vernaculis I can't find the satire anymore

Dark

Real talk, I was doing pretty good on the alchy front until June.

I thought the Onion wrote only satire?

Ouch, right in the soul

We laugh cuz we're all out of tears.

But my hair is longer than that tho

And the funny part is?

Area Man’s Alcoholism would be a great reality based survivor type show

🤣🥂

I usually LOL at the Onion tweets but this one actually is pretty damn real. I actually managed to quit after enjoying some serious COVID-inspired indulging (you actually feel way better).

this is supposed to be parody

Awh

This isn’t onion news.. this is truth.

Where is the wine mom version of this? Or WhiteClaw version?

Literally.

Just me next time.

My liver isn’t the same since March

Fake news is real. Real news is fake.

The number of times I’ve said “why not have another...COVID-times baby” over the last few months is too damn high.

black coffee's not enough for him, he needs a better friend

Too close to home, The Onion. From the summer I started drinking.

It me

this feels a little more real than most onion articles

Same man, same.

...I feel seen...

why are you attacking me

Cheaper than therapy.

My beer fridge shed a tear after seeing this

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