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Annoying, Well-Adjusted Friend Even Fucking Meditating Now

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LOWELL, MA—Noting how he piled on yet another healthy practice to his perfectly goddamned balanced lifestyle, exasperated friends confirmed Wednesday that annoying, well-adjusted 32-year-old Ryan Miller is even fucking meditating now. “Christ, the emotionally stable fucker already loves his job, exercises four times a week, and now he has the balls to spend 10 minutes every morning sitting quietly and breathing deeply to clear his mind,” said longtime friend Michael Saunders, adding that it was bad enough when the irritatingly healthy Miller switched from drinking coffee to herbal tea. “Now, along with having great, fulfilling relationships with friends and family, Ryan’s built time into his healthy lifestyle to further improve his fucking self-awareness and concentration. God, that even-tempered asshole claims it’s really reducing his stress, too. Prick.” At press time, Saunders told reporters that if his aggravating, good-natured friend posted one more sun salutation picture on Facebook, he would unfriend the man on the spot.

 

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Take a neurotic and teach them to meditate. Now, you have a neurotic meditator.

Post-Mortem meditation is the best . Being completely relaxed, the mind is blank.

He has a standing desk and makes his own yogurt.

I hate that guy

So true

.JonComms another white guy you look like?

😀😀😀😁😁😁

And he wont shut up about what his professor taught him

Jesus can't hear you meditate

Meditation is dangerous. Be careful

This guy definitely does Crossfit.

Damn it!

this was me until covid

And he won't shut up about vegetables either.

Pft... typical. 🙄

owl_fruit ממהמהה

Can’t you just scream into a pillow like the rest of us?

I'm really good at meditation from 8pm to 6am

dogecointo1dollar dogecointothemoon

Is he single?

I barely remember the days when The Onion was funny.

When did a news source start cursing? Lmao

Soon to join a white supremacy movement

Eh, when someone starts meditating you know there's a *reason*

KingslyFishao

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