Telling Them You Used to Work in a RestaurantForgetting To Loosen Your Belt, Slap Your Distended Belly, And Bellow “Big Bruce Gonna Sleep Well Tonight!”Forgetting To Loosen Your Belt, Slap Your Distended Belly, And Bellow “Big Bruce Gonna Sleep Well Tonight!”
This gesture may not mean much to you, but every diner that fails to do it will count against a server on their next employee evaluation.
Ordering?
Anything that starts with 'could you ask the chef if.......'
Exist
Show up
Cannibalism much? So, if I go out to a restaurant, I could be on the menu?
OMG! Stop lying about the slide counts when the last slide is just an advertisement for other sideshows! It's the same as those bullshit gas prices. Nobody has 9/10th of a penny Chuck! Nobody!
I don't think it's a coincidence that you repost this the same day I post mine. Stop trying to keep the little guys down, The Onion!
Bring there pet walrus without a leash.
Being Ted Cruz has to be on this list
Billy Corgan is waiting tables?
Bringing in 40 pounds of plastic explosives
I always leave a shiny new penny for their tip. I know they appreciate that.
Leave Bible verses in place of tips
You saying they are not disposable beings like Amazon workers?
Fuck the waiter. I'm paying for this fucking soup more than it's worth, I'm making all the noise I can.
Pretty sure you forgot that most wait staff would actually *prefer* if you just brought your entree into the restrooms and ate it there.
unless you're in Japan
Not based, must slurp juices
Waiters and clients lol
Sandy really wishes she could but, My panty hose sprung a leak.
I'm sure its a LONG list.
Sun shadez 😎
Tasters dont get a choice.
MyFavMurder
Ma'am, this is a Chili's.
If you send something back you're basically asking for the chef to grind his genitals over the next one
Area Waiter Expresses Opinion That The Little Twerps All Deserved What They Got, With Eye On Rambunctious Twins At Table Four Smearing Chocolate On Wallpaper
Area Waiter Tired Of Explaining That God Works In Mysterious Ways
God is real and He must be destroyed
The answer is straightforward: God does not exist and yes, children are hurt.
Sounds like a invitation to 'death by parmesan grinder'.
The Onion used to be creative and humorous.
I think it’s time for you to stop believing those lies. There’s no luck, only sabotage. There’s no macumba, only sabotage. Those people don’t respect you, always lie to you and can’t guarantee you what you’d like them to do for you.
Lol
Because they were bad people in previous lives. May I start you off with an appetizer?
Ha , good stuff!
Asking If God Exists, Why Does He Allow Waiters to Work at All When They Always Manage to Serve Chili Cheese Fries Just Below the Correct Temperature and Without the Ambiance One Would Expect?
This is not true. Experienced waiters use the doctrine of original sin as a mnemonic device to recall orders
I’ve never gotten the chance to ask this. Maybe cause I haven’t been to that many fancy restaurants 😢
This is your daily reminder that God murdered countless innocent children just because he had beef with some Egyptian dude.
Sacrilege is not satire.
Why does he allow anyone not just kids
The only acceptable situation to use the phrase “Ma’am, this is an Olive Garden.”
is the parents fault
Divine plan.
It’s a test
The world needs ditch diggers too! The little Prima Donnas can always find hard labor at every turn. Do your job and just STFU!🐼😡🤬🖕🏼
Sloppy steaks
I know The Onion is satire, ..but it did make me think of my pet peeves way back when I used to waitress. I think the main one would be people blowing their nose at the table, and leaving the napkin there for me to pick up.
Well there goes Olive Gardens all you can slurp soup and spaghetti special !
Strand of spaghetto, or strands of spaghetti.
Rough job. Everything is annoying about it.
I cant stand the ordering w/your hands people,words fail to arrive upon command,maybe from theirweed habit?Uncertain. So instead,until words arrive,its time to playCharade's, cus thats the way to earn respect& make a good first impression,stop drawing a hotdog,NOT APPROPRIATE! 😅
It'd be nice to go to a restaurant, &leave,knowing you tipped right100% of the time,&what you dont have, secretgrowingresentment from not tipping,how its been established,&its not your fault but it can happen. My safe bet?If my orders 16 dollars, I tip 4 dollars&change if paper $
What I disagree w/?The vague tip. Do what you feel like so they wont F w/yourfood&its theright thing to do,dont be a D,find the balance,that leads to nutrition. Lets justmake it15%&its included cus serversrely on tips. Thatway as you leave,dontapologize,for not knowingwhat to tip
Plus I didnt have thepatience for being a waiter. Get tired of remembering thefood'What's on themenu?YOU KIDDING ME?What are you,STUPID?! Its eitherchicken or steak,broccoli or salad,&if you order thesoup,wtf are you at a restaurant?How about we skip the nonsense chitchat,ORDER!
Being a waiterwasnt for me,have to balancethedrinkorder,&if youtake themoff wrong,bombs awaaaay,after a fewtimes of that,I wasdone. Think of Flight of theBumblebee🎶,slomo,as I thinkaboutsmiling in falseconfidence😃as thefullwineglass &openbottlelanded🎊🙄💨in customersdress😳,😅
What servershate?Extrawork. &thats a part of notbeingpolite. Whatthe customershouldexpect?Bread, butter,&water,&getorder right. But not. 'I require three separate orders...'of or anything like that,where,suddenly pointless add ons,customer can ding them on,for tip&whythey do that
You ever seen that?You look over at anothertable,&instead of speak English as a whitepersontalking to anotherwhiteperson,fromtheirown prejudice,drawbeans&rice,which is impossible,so thentheserver has to say what,can you speakEnglish,or maybe I canget you a pen&you can try&draw it
It’s an obligation 😌
I ate the crayons as an appetizer
Hold my ice water cup
Cyanide? Bah, a smart chef would use something slower acting so you can pay your bill first.
'is the fish fresh?'
Lol, does ANYONE use a rifle for skeet shooting?
Let’s try caption number 3
Sorry to be the Devil's advocate but: I ran out of people to bring over to test if my food is poisoned. It is difficult making food-testing friends as an adult!
Nah, Rasputin had the ideal remedy, against poisoning, but not shooting and drowning, as it turns out. One of the best quotations about him was his wife, who on being told of his many infidelities shrugged and said 'he has enough for all'.
Huh
Asking to be excused after you’ve cleaned your plate.
How about annoying things waiters do?
Don't get me started on the people who insist on ordering
1 Come eat at the restaurant
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