Analysts: Biden Can Negate Debate Performance By Pulling Train With Chain Clenched Between Teeth

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 22 sec. here
  • 7 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 29%
  • Publisher: 51%

Joe Biden News

Time Person Of The Year,Thomas Fitzpatrick,Politics

WASHINGTON—In the aftermath of a disastrous night that left Democrats reeling over their candidate for the 2024 election, political analysts confirmed Friday that President Joe Biden could negate his debate performance by pulling a train with a chain clenched between his teeth.

“Our post-debate polling indicates that one of the only way the president can recover from yesterday’s catastrophic evening is by gathering likely voters next to the train tracks and using the sheer power of his jaw and neck muscles to pull a 4,000-ton train,” said Democratic political strategists Thomas Fitzpatrick , who described how the feat of strength in which Biden would hold a steel rope in his mouth and rely solely on his own brawn to move a seven-coach train would go a significant way...

for office. “There’s no way to spin the president’s evening of rambling answers and unsettling gazes in a positive light for Democrats. The silver lining here is that the party does have options. For example, Biden could also take a cannonball to the stomach or put two women on either end of a pole and lift them way up over his head. Whatever they choose, Democrats should act now to avoid a potential loss in November.

Time Person Of The Year Thomas Fitzpatrick Politics Centrism In The United States The Onion

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.
We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Live updates: Hallie Biden, Beau Biden’s widow, completes testimony in Hunter Biden gun trialHunter Biden faces three felony charges related to a gun he purchased in 2018. His trial began Monday in Delaware.
Source: washingtonpost - 🏆 95. / 72 Read more »

Live updates: Hallie Biden, Beau Biden’s widow, describes Hunter Biden’s drug useHunter Biden faces three felony charges related to a gun he purchased in 2018. His trial began Monday in Delaware.
Source: washingtonpost - 🏆 95. / 72 Read more »

Hunter Biden gun trial: Beau Biden's widow Hallie Biden testifies about crack useThe Hunter Biden trial comes after former President Donald Trump was found guilty on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records.
Source: CNBC - 🏆 12. / 72 Read more »

Hunter Biden gun trial: Beau Biden's widow Hallie Biden testifies about crack useThe Hunter Biden trial comes after former President Donald Trump was found guilty on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records.
Source: nbcsandiego - 🏆 524. / 51 Read more »

Hunter Biden trial live updates: Hallie Biden testifies about drug addictions that rocked the Biden familyThis is additional taxonomy that helps us with analytics
Source: NBCNewsHealth - 🏆 707. / 51 Read more »

Hallie Biden, James Biden among witnesses in Hunter Biden's gun trialMembers of the Biden family will take the stand in the federal gun crime trial of Hunter Biden, attorneys told the court on Tuesday.
Source: WashTimes - 🏆 235. / 63 Read more »