‘Am I a Helicopter Parent?’

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Sometimes, loving someone means letting them make their own mistakes.

I’m writing to you because I need some guidance. My son recently told me that he’s dating, and it sounds like he really likes the young man he told me about. I think this person might be the first person my son has ever really liked, and that makes me super-protective because I don’t want him to get hurt.

I also totally relate to the maternal instinct to protect your kids from the horrors of this world. My ongoing situationship involves a man with two cats at home, and I sometimes worry about them wriggling through a crack in the window. They are too spoiled to survive the streets. This is exactly what being a mother is like, I’m sure.

But the thing about the aforementioned horrors is that they are inevitable and they come for us all. If you haven’t noticed, to live is to endure, to build up hope and have that hope, but also to have it rewarded, to find in those welcome pauses between trials the warmth and contentment that also make up the human experience.

This doesn’t mean, of course, that you can’t be there for him, that you can’t be a shoulder to cry on, that you can’t give advice, or that you can’t tell him how you feel. We have relationships to bring us comfort and mutual support.

 

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