All Of Woman’s Problems Stem From Never Having Visited Europe

📆 12/2/2019 5:27 PM
📰 TheOnion

⏱ Reading Time:
1 sec. here
2 min. at publisher
📊 Quality Score:
News: 4%
Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

TULSA, OK—Stressing that the part-time administrative assistant should book a flight as soon as possible, sources confirmed this week that all of 28-year-old Hailey Allen’s problems stem from her never having visited Europe. “All her relationship hang-ups, low self-esteem, and failures at work would immediately disappear if Hailey finally experienced the grandeur of the La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona or tossed a coin into the Trevi Fountain in Rome,” said concerned sources, noting that every single one of Allen’s professional and personal issues could be resolved with even just a weekend spent exploring the streets of Paris. “The moment she bites down into a Parisian pain au chocolat at a café, she’ll immediately transcend her current self, becoming a fully matured, well-rounded, and happy person. To clarify, this is only applicable for Western European countries and does not include Asia, Russia, or any nation East of the Baltic Sea.” At press time, sources panicked as Allen was seen purchasing a Greyhound ticket for Warsaw, IN.

Write Comment

On fact, women in Europe have no problems at all ever so she really should go there

It's true.

I don’t know why she’s complaining. She’s backlit big time but her photo still has excellent exposure from the front.

She needs to talk to Joe Romano.

I can attest. I visited Japan in 2017 and I ascended to a higher plane. I went back this year and I became one with the higher powers. And when I return a third time... I will become unlike a GOD. Gif related: it me becoming a God.

And all I can think of is this ICONIC clip from FriendsTV

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Hailey Bieber Shut Down Yet Another Pregnancy Rumor With a JokeCan the speculation stop already?
Source: Allure_magazine - 🏆 473. / 51 Read more »

Hailey Bieber Had a Great Response to Pregnancy RumorsThe rumors didn't last too long, though; Hailey set curious followers right. In her Instagram story, she posted the truth.
Source: ELLE Magazine (US) - 🏆 472. / 51 Read more »

Ammo Content Drives into Latin America, Europe (EXCLUSIVE)BUENOS AIRES — New York-based Ammo Content, a technology-oriented film-TV distributor has acquired rights to two Spanish modern classics – “Chico and Rita” and “Historias para no dorm…
Source: Variety - 🏆 108. / 63 Read more »

Israeli leader censures Europe for pursuing trade with IranIsrael’s prime minister is lashing out at European countries for joining a body that would allow some trading with Iran despite U.S. sanctions. There is a legitimate agreement in place .. just reminding you..benjaminnetanyahu Any country that has Iran under its arm is not a friend of United States. More arrogance from Netanyahu, a leader losing power and trying to get it back. His power days are gone.
Source: ABC - 🏆 471. / 51 Read more »

Delivery platforms boost restaurant profits in Europe - Uber Eats surveyFood delivery platforms are helping independent and chain restaurants in London,... Delivery platforms boost restaurant profits in Europe - survey by a delivery platform. Yep, why wouldn't you believe it?
Source: Reuters - 🏆 2. / 97 Read more »

Winter In Europe: The 15 Best Ski Resorts For The 2020 SeasonEurope is the leading ski-holiday destination in the world—here are the best 15 ski resorts to visit in 2020:
Source: Forbes - 🏆 394. / 53 Read more »