A Skeptic Tries: Decaf Coffee

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“I’d argue that I harbor the purest love for coffee. Now I drink it for the taste, the ritual—not the amount of hours I can or can’t clock after ingesting it.” — RealLunaAdler

is a series examining our food resistances and what happens when we try them anyway. Next up, writer Luna Adler—after a few too many caffeine-induced, sweat-soaked anxiety spirals—finally decides to give decaf coffee a shot.

An hour later, I was sitting at my office desk, shaking and feeling nauseated. As my state worsened, I could tell my coworkers were beginning to get nervous. By noon I was shivering like a wind-up toy and had wrapped myself dramatically in a sheath of blankets. Before lunchtime I’d discarded said blankets and was experiencing what I reported to one colleague as, “a strange pattering of the heart.” By 3 p.m.

I did drink real coffee when I was an undergrad in college. A lifelong insomniac, there were mornings when I’d watch the sun crest the horizon and knew I’d need a boost. So, instead of trying to nap, I’d house a triple-shot latte and white-knuckle my way through the day, perspiring while I took exams and forcing myself to write papers through chattering teeth.

 

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