Janine is upset. She tries to tell her boyfriend, Nevin, what’s wrong.Nevin defends himself: “I didn’t ‘abandon’ you. You could’ve come over and joined those conversations any time you wanted.”
Now Janine goes on the defensive. “I shouldn’t have to remind you we’re there together,” she points out.If this happens in your relationship, here are a few steps you can take that may make it easier for your partner to hear and understand you.Starting a complaint with, “I know you love me and would never knowingly do anything to hurt me. So it’s hard for me to say this and it may be hard to hear, but the other night when we were at the party… ” can make your message easier to hear.
A better response from Janine would be,"I do appreciate that. I know you care about me. But somehow, I still felt lonely."5. Own your own stuff. E.g., “I have a pretty strong need for reassurance, and it might not always be easy to relate to that... ” Owning what’s yours is important in every relationship. That’s especially true when expressing difficult feelings to your partner.6. Acknowledge good intentions
Ye, and try to talk when they cant ever put the beer down and accuse others and self of being the issues... trying to tell them it messes with their cognitive thinking doesn't help...
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