, but try to cut yourself some slack. “We’re human,” Applebaum says. “You were put into a situation you didn’t anticipate and might not have the skills or the capacity to handle. That’s frustrating.”been rage inducing about the person you’re caring for usually don’t go away just because they get sick. “[My dad and I] had never been good communicators with each other and had very different political leanings,” says Kelly.
That was certainly true for Anika, who was 26 when her mother got sick and the only family member who still lived close enough to be a. “I had to put my life on hold and completely reorient myself. I obviously was happy to do it for my mom, or as happy as you can be given the circumstances, but having everything so entirely out of my hands sucked,” Anika says. “My life disappeared overnight, and there was nothing I could do.
Applebaum says that a lack of control is a big trigger point for a lot of caregivers. She tries to help them recognize where they do have control, even in seemingly small ways. That was a big form of self-care for Kelly when she felt powerless, she says. For her, it meant essentially project-managing her father’s illness: “Keeping up onApplebaum sees a lot of caregivers trying to “protect” their loved one by avoiding hard conversations in favor of projecting optimism.
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